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My Message to Survivors by Abimbola Abiola

My Message to Survivors by Abimbola Abiola
February 7, 2014 ezekschuba@gmail.com

In line with our upcoming project “Rape Survivors Network,” which is targetted at building the confidence of other victims of rape, we have an article to encourage all rape survivors out there. Read and heal the more. If you need someone to speak to, remember @StandtoEndRape is always there to speak with you. Read more…

I’ve been sitting here for about an hour thinking of how best to start this. Sometimes I  wish people can see the pain of rape instead of reading through words. But then the only way they can and will ever know is if we open our mouths and talk about it or pick up our pens and write about it. For rape survivors it takes courage.

Embracing your courage isn’t easy and might hurt us initially. Many of us have been there and at that time we were afraid the hurt will never end..It did, we broke free and healed!


Before then, in some ways it’s like your numbness is a hidy-hole in the middle of a prison surrounded by barbed wire like the ones we see on prison breaks. In that prison it is the safest place. As long as others are patrolling that prison it’ll be good to stay there.

Because of rampant denial many people refuse to see these structures even when they are presented with undeniable evidence. It’s simply easier to call raped children “sexually mature” or to shrug when these children don’t instantly think and behave as if the abuse never happened once they are away from their abusers or once they are adults.

When those who built that prison leave, they leave behind all that structure they so carefully created to trap you. This is why it takes courage to move away from that numb hidy-hole. That and those who go looking for those stuck in these structures hoping that they will make exploitation easier.

But the barbed wire borders can be cut piece by piece by piece. With people that care and who understand, you don’t have to be alone as you work your way free. While you may feel alone remember that you are not alone. Many of us have made it through what you are experiencing. Also remember to celebrate each step of your recovery much like an accident victim celebrates each step they take in their healing.

Hope is important but it isn’t always easy or painless. That is why it is so good for us to speak to one another. Only then will people “get” it. 

Through validating one another’s feelings we are helping each other to cope, heal and live the beautiful lives that we always have and always will deserve.